Do you have an autoimmune disease? Here is something you must do that many won’t tell you.
A lot of us know we have to remove everything toxic out of our lives. Toxic foods, toxic personal products as much as possible. But not many people tell you to move toxic people!
Toxic people will never allow you to heal or maintain healing. With toxic people around you will never have peace. And peace is needed for anyone to recover anything.
Anyone that has a serious autoimmune disease knows stress is a flare magnet. Ask an asthmatic. Do their attacks get worse when they are stressed momentarily? Do they get worse when someone starts arguing with them? I can tell you yes. Same goes for lupus Hashimoto’s and all the rest.
For some reason there are many people suffering with these illnesses that have family members or friends that just don’t get it. And I doubt many actually will. To me that’s completely fine. I can’t understand what it would be like to have other things happen to me that happen to others. But at the very least I try to be compassionate when it’s serious.
And those that don’t understand generally stay in my life as long as they don’t make my situation worse. They are my friends for a reason. And my real friends understood me being unable to live my life for a very long time and didn’t take it personal. They still loved me.
These things are normal. What isn’t normal is having a significant other, family member, or friend that is offended by illness. Or always stirring the pot to create an argument because they are dysfunctional.
When I had people in my life doing these things it made my health worse. And it showed me exactly who they were as a person.
For some reason I found out my now ex was a narcissist at the same time I visited a family member after decades of not having them in my life.
It was a huge hurdle and a huge blow on my health. I was having flares while doctors were ignoring me in the country my mother lived in.
My mother is a narcissist. And she married one. Oddly they both started huge arguments and problems at Christmas. While I was sick. Holiday destroyers, if you pay close attention point to all the signs that are generally narcissists. It is a trait.
I learned the hard way what was the reason for my childhood while having mercy on my mother and promising a visit after decades of peace and decent people.
At my mothers house the stress made my life a living hell on earth. My health deteriorated even further. I almost lost my unborn baby. I almost lost my life too.
Not one of them were kind. My mother was trying to stuff herbs down my throat she knew nothing of. Mostly because she was too lazy to take me to the hospital. And other reasons. I will share those one day. But speaking about them now wont do anything for me now.
Anyways, those herbs I was very aware of. You see before I was pregnant I explained to my mother what herbs she could do to improve her health. I was very much into herbs. I used them for my severe asthma. They worked.
The problem was the ones that she found in her area were actually dangerous for the baby. I could have miscarried. She told me well other women do it!
I explained to her that half her town were drugs addicts and probably some pregnant too. Didn’t mean I was going to do it because they did.
Her reason for wanting to give me herbs was sheer laziness. And the odd thing is she knew nothing about them. Only what she read online of course. She actually spent money to go to an herbalist and hundreds of dollars. And they told her the exact same herbs to use.
Comical as it may seem now. It really is a problem with some people. It wasn’t just to verify for safety. It was to condescend me and patronize me. To let me know her value of me.
She let her husband walk all over me. And his adult children. All whom live off of her when they fail. ( That would be every other month)I’ve never needed her money or her fathers estate. But they use her. That’s her choice.
She was horrible to her mother before she passed away. She admitted in one of her narcissist “pretending to be decent and compassionate” moments. That she ignored and belittled her mother when she said she was sick.
My grandmother died of ovarian cancer. I guess it moved fast and she confided in my mother they were thinking she had ovarian cancer. My mothers response was “oh your not sick” in an acid tone and walked away and ignored her. She even repeated the tone she used. So I know it was sheer evil soul peaking out.
I’ve seen it often as I grew up. She always gives and evil eye out of the blue and some condescending comment for no reason.
To an average healthy normal adult you would think she was just in denial about my grandmothers health. And that she wasn’t ready to hear it.
Please keep in mind I have much experience of my mothers personality and behavior when people are ill. This is the same woman that used to throw me outside when I was having an asthma attack when I was very small and tell me to go play as I was gasping. She rarely came to visit me in the hospital where I spent a large majority of my childhood.
They would take me only when it got so serious they would be questioned if I didn’t make it. I understand that very clearly now as an adult.
I couldn’t find civilized doctors that followed their oath on that visit. My asthma got worse. And I ended up in a flare as I now know them to be called because the asthma caused my body to not be able to take everything going on. I had flares before this trip but like many auto immune patients we don’t know what they are until we find a competent doctor willing to listen.
Basically my mother picked up where my ex left off. And he could not understand I could not find a doctor to help me because in his country it is unheard of to leave a patient to suffer as I had while being paid.
Unlike my mother I have never been known to stay with a man once I knew he was dysfunctional or abusive in word or deed. Not for a roof over my head or food. Nothing!
I have self respect that I earned over the years learning what my parents didn’t teach me.
Needless to say I left. I had no where to go as I had not been in that country for so long. I knew no one. I ended up trying to get better hospital in another area. And was basically left to die.
All because of toxic abusive selfish people. Dysfunctional people. And from what I noticed on average the majority of people in my mothers part of the world are highly abusive to each other. Many commit suicide and what ever else. Friends are not friends.
I stick with my friends in the US and others I have met in my travels. But I have learned I stay far away from people in my mothers part of the world.
The best thing I did was cut everyone out of my life that was toxic and needed psychological evaluation. Including medical doctors. Once I realized which ones were wolves. I walked!
I do not need anyone making my asthma attacks worse. I do not need anyone harassing me and accusing me of making their life miserable, or accusing me of cheating, because I can’t breath ( non asthma lupus problems), with severe petichiea, extreme agony in my joints.
There is no way I will allow that!
Why one earth do I want anyone in my life that is so selfish that I can lose my life because I am not there to cater to them and their dysfunction?
As hard as it is to go through this entirely alone taking care of a child with no one even while I have to crawl to get to the kitchen some days, I will not as a wolf to help me!
I will not allow my dysfunctional family members to teach my child how to grow into a raging lunatic when he is older. Or how to abuse his family and children when he has them.
There is absolutely no way!
Whenever I meet people that are suffering from these illnesses and they mention how horrible their family members are to them, I encourage them to love themselves enough to walk away.
I learned along the way that many autoimmune diseases are actually very common in those who have had abusive parents and had abuse in their lives and childhoods.
I had read that quite along time ago. It is not that popular of information out there. But it is.
It was also verified by a someone I see once in a blue when I start getting frustrated with my situation. I started to see her because I learned I was dealing with narcissists but I wanted to verify it.
I see her so I don’t take it out on everyone I come in contact with when I am at overload now regarding my health.
But Because most people in this part of the world are very nasty to each other and take it out on everyone that comes in their path.
I refuse to be like the people where I am. I do have a sort of friend that I met. She is like me and from here. And she says she stays alone and does her volunteer type work because my observations are pretty on point she says. She says that living here all her life, and wants nothing to do with society here.
And maybe that is one of the reasons I ended up with an autoimmune disease from the looks of it. Abusive selfish toxic family.
It makes sense too. If many of us think about it how often as children growing up did we think we wern’t good enough because of abusive selfish family harm?
I don’t think its like that for all autoimmune patients. But here are more than not from what I have seen.
Love yourself enough to not be harmed by those who profess to be “family” or friends or whoever.
If they love you they will be concerned for your life and health. Not demanding the impossible from you. Have someone that understands your flares and lets you have your literal lethargy, pain, and all the other garbage that can come with your illness knowing that you can’t go do the things most people can because you can barely walk to the bathroom!
If you are grateful when someone is helping you they should not turn on you. If they turn on you when you already feel horrible they have to help you while you are ill and they cause your health to get worse?
THEY ARE TOXIC! And toxic always needs to be removed and disposed of carefully.
I hope this helped you realize you are more important than being abused and harmed. And your health deserves to be maintained and not triggered,
For those that want to know.. When I left my mothers house I was still kind. But firm. I explained she cannot treat me that way and if she could speak nicely to me she could email me to let me know she wished to speak to me. As I planned on going back to the country I was living in joyfully before visiting her. She only got angry and nasty causing more harm to me after I left to cover her narc tracks..